new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
