Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
jump out the window naked night went bad
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