Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I still have a little drunk in my system
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
