did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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