Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
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