all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
