I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
