I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
