im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
