1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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