I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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