I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
