i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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