you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
i am craving dick and cupcakes
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
