i just had sex bonerless
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I have aggressive nipples.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
