Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
