96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
