You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
