I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
