She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
