just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
