dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
