I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
did i just pee glitter
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
