drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
