you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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