I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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