we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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