The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
