Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
