bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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