i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
