he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
