these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
