i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
