I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
