Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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