I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
