Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We're too hungover to prance.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
