No stitches, just platelets and will power
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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