just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize