The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
