You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
he shaved USA in his pubs
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
