Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i think i have herpe
just one?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
