So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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