there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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