you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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