how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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