I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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