guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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