Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
