matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
