i was born a porn star she said
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
