U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
