Well douche your snatch and let's go!
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
