a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Fuck appropriateness.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
