dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
