So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
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and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize