yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
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I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
whose parrot is this?
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I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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