I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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