used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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