The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We were destined to go to rehab together
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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