epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
