I'm lost and stupid without you.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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