Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
