i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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