I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
