At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
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if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
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Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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