she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
