Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
